Parental guilt

This post may apply mostly to stay at home parents because its the perspective that I personally experience, though I am certain that all parents have had twinges if not been completely overwhelmed by the "G" factor...GUILT!  I don't know any parent who hasn't experienced feelings of guilt at one point or another during their journey through parenthood.  The "G" factor is one feeling I certainly could live more without! Its not necessary and it can hold a person back from their potential if it is not understood!

A working parent may be feeling guilty for missing some of those child developmental milestones or maybe feel guilt because they really do enjoy being at work more than the day to day routine of hanging out with their kid(s). As a stay at home parent, my guilt comes in the form of "My job is to care for you, play with you, teach you, etc but I also need make your lunch so you can eat, do the laundry so you have clean clothes, clean the pool so you can swim in it, etc."  Basically a tug of war over the literal time I spend with my kids and the time necessary to prepare us to spend time together.

Its funny because I do not feel guilty about taking a break, which usually consists of going to the bathroom, taking a shower, and checking my facebook msgs throughout the day.  Every couple hours my mind needs to check out for a few minutes. Just as my kids need to have quiet time, I need my quiet moments too. Its easy to explain to the kids "Mommy needs a break, we've been playing candy land for an hour!" However, it seems harder for them to understand that when I'm not "on break" I also have to do chores around the house, see to setting up doct appts, addressing needs with my community Mom's group, etc. This parenting "job" is more than just the actual time spent engaging with the kids.

My heart just crumbles when I hear my daughter say "Mom you haven't played with me all day!" Of course the entire day was spent with each other, eating breakfast together at the dinner table without distractions of tv, cell phones, etc. Followed by trip to aquarium. Followed by pic nic lunch. Followed by quiet time. Followed by trip to grocery store. Followed by making pizza together & eating at the dinner table together again without distractions...at which time she tells me I haven't played with her all day! That's when the guilt sets in for me! I try to explain that not EVERY day can be spent playing dolls or legos and that by us doing things together we are learning & creating memories beyond just playing.

Yeah...she doesn't care...she just wants me to play with her as much as possible! My kids are "my boss" in a way. I work for them. They have a vision of how the work day should go...and I have my vision which does try to take into account the bosses vision!!! But I can't evade the "G" factor when another day passes and I haven't met my kids expectations of spending time together.  I am trying to find the win-win solution.  Each day I try to spend time with the kids playing something they are EACH interested in playing and when my youngest naps, I give an hour undivided attention to my oldest.  They we can spend the other 1/2 of the day running errands, play dates, or an outing to benefit the kids. It makes for well organized & packed day but it is these days that I find my kids fight less, they are more inclined to play independently when needed, go to sleep at the end of the day with less resistance, etc. Spending that literal quality time cannot be beat! The "G" factor creeps in because I am actually the one who is learning to be "okay" with knowing EVERY day cannot be spent playing dolls or legos. I wish I didn't have to do this other stuff! I would love nothing more than to be engaged with my kids all day...what a wonderful life! My guilt comes from the reality of knowing someone has to cook, clean, prepare, etc and that someone is also ME.

Take time to explore your feelings of guilt related to parenting.  What is the guilt about? What triggers it? Why do you think that is so? What can you do to minimize or delete it altogether? The Good Parent is going to take time to understand what is holding them back from fulfilling their vision of parenthood and the vision their children have of life spent with their parents.