There are many people I know who had or are having their first child this year. Congratulations on parenthood! I said in an earlier entry that parenthood is the best kept secret because it really is full of wonder...not just about the cutest bundle of joy in the world but also the wonderment of how you can be physically, mentally, & emotionally pushed to the limits AND STILL manage to function! Amazingly though parents end up surviving and some go on to go through it all over again!
Some thoughts for new parents:
1. If you have a partner or a family member who is with you, devise a schedule to divide up the care of the baby. Even it if it is into 1/2 hour increments (you care for baby for 30 min then your spouse does and so on) or chunk it into larger time slots if that works. This way, you WILL find time to take a shower or make a phone call or heaven forbid, lay down and close your eyes! This works for breast feeding moms too so there's no excuses! And if you are really lucky, baby will be sleeping during your 30minute time slot so then it's like getting a whole hour to take care of other things on your mind!
2. After those first couple weeks...go back to living your normal life before you forget what that was like! Its ok to take your baby everywhere you go. Get out of the house! This is usually the only time strangers will sympathize with you when baby cries or you look a mess. You can say "I"m a new Mom, I just gave birth." Everyone will "oooh" and "aahhh" and forget all about how you look or what disturbance was originally being caused! This will NOT be the case when the child is a year old...then they judge. But for now, go do what you gotta do!
3. Do not turn down help! If a friend says "hey can I bring you dinner?" Your reply should immediately be "Yes, that would be awesome, what night?" If someone else says "Do you need any help about the house?" Your reply should be "Yes, we need our yard mowed & bathrooms done...would you mind doing either of these?" Take people up on their offers AND give them direction on how they can help/where you need help. They aren't mind readers...they've just "been there" so to speak...they know you'd love the help & are offering. Help them follow through so as to make your life- in that moment- easier! This too will not last! No matter how dear your friends are, I guarantee that a year from now they will not be offering to cook & clean for your family!
4. Find a "moms" group, a book club, or a playgroup made up of other parents. Maybe you know a few people who already have kids and maybe you think you know it all already! You don't! Connecting with other NEW parents in particular will help "check & balance" your own experiences, unlike "books" about child development. And since parenthood experiences are so varied you will certainly learn new strategies to relating with your child. You can wait til your child is 1 or older...but why? Some of my most cherished relationships were made when my daughter was four months old or should I say, I was only 4 months into this parenting gig!
5. Lastly, do your best to remember to praise your partner/spouse of their role with parenting or with working, or keeping the house up, etc. You spend every waking moment showing love & attention on this new addition that it is VERY easy to forget to shower love on your closest loved one! Find the energy in you to say "thank you" when he/she does even the most mundane tasks! If you used to give your spouse a back rub once in a while, take a moment to do it again. Even a few minutes will help remind him that you care of his well being too.
Good luck all you Momma & Poppas! You're on an amazing and difficult journey but it will all be worth it as you go along (not just in the end). With these tips you'll be well on your way to becoming a Good parent as well as someone who hasn't completely lost sight of who they are & their relationship with their partner!
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