When I examine my own parenting style I have to say that being a control freak has come in handy for a good portion of what I consider my "success" as a parent. Specifically in the areas of establishing and maintaining routine & structure through my children's first 5 years. And while it may surprise some, I haven't always been this way~ feeling the need to control things, that is. In 2001 I learned a valuable lesson in the workplace that taught me that I literally could not do my job unless I "let others." That in fact it was my job to role model, to teach life skills, to supervise (support & challenge my then staff), and to ultimately allow them to then flourish, infusing their own ideas, styles, knowledge, etc into the work we were accomplishing together. As my kids grow I hope to loosen up the "control" I've had over these informative years so as to "let them" live their lives & flourish!
But being a bit of a control freak in terms of parenting is not necessarily the best quality to have especially around other parents! That is unless of course I'm stepping in to control a situation that saves your child's life! Or saves them from harm of some sort. This recently happened to me (two times!) and it left me feeling a bit awkward because while it was clear that my Mom-friends were totally cool with me need to intervene, I wasn't necessarily totally cool with how nonchalant their own parenting was considering we were all in the same vicinity when the situations were occurring. There were many things I wanted to say during & after to my Mom-friends and their children but refrained in doing so mostly because "who am I?"
The underlying dilema is if we do step in at various situations, we show that we are a caring community of parents & friends. If we do not or do or say too much we may end up stepping on toes or not being true to our own sense of right from wrong. I am left wondering about these boundaries and why people get so offensive if someone steps in to parent their child? (other than the obvious of "youre not the parent").
There certainly are various factors to consider when stepping in to parent other peoples children specifically the type of relationship (if any) you share. If you have the opportunity to ask first "hey, do you want me to intervene if theres an issue between the kids?" than try to do so. Whenever I drop my kids off at a friend/family's home I always state "Its okay to discipline them, they know to go to the corner if misbehaving", etc because I do not want my friends to feel uncertain or weird about how to handle my kids when I'm not there. Even in instances of a play date, I try to be "aware" enough that I can say to another parent "If you feel my son is too rough, please say something. He likes to wrestle but it can get out of hand." I'll go so far as noticing if another parent is showing non-verbal concerns and I'll correct my kids before there is an issue. I even go so far as trying to make eye contact or small talk with a parent at a park if our kids are playing together in attempt to establish the degree to which they are watching their own children, in case something does happens. Now some of you are thinking I'm not controlling, just neurotic! LOL
Stepping in for any reason feels more like overstepping if its a situation with people you have no relationship with at all! People get bent out of shape because another Mom spoke to their child asking them to "not scream" in the restaurant play area or at the park when you ask if they could let other children have a turn at the swings. I guarantee you that if you intervened to save a child from stabbing another one with a folk at the same restaurant, that parent might be more thankful than anything!
At some point we have to start viewing parenting as a community thing because we are all living in this world together! You can "let go" without being neglectful! So whether it's your control freak of nature creeping into your parenting style or just a desire to save the world one child at a time... I say step in when you think it's good role modeling or when there are life lessons or skills to be taught, regardless if it is your children or not. Step in if it means saving someone from harm. These are things a good parent will do because in the end, children are not children for very long. With any hope they too will flourish one day and perhaps even into good parents themselves!
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