I thought with the start of July and my husband being out of town I would have all sorts of time to blog! Ha ha ha I was so busy and tired! It was a huge reminder that "single parenting" is no ideal way of raising kids or maintaining a healthy lifestyle! I have been thinking about a few different topics to write about but tonight I am reflecting on how a parent's attitude about day to day incidents shapes children's attitudes about the same thing...and even deeper, shapes their lives for the long haul.
I was so impressed today by how a friend of mine responds to things her children do. I don't know how she feels "inside" or what her personal philosophies are on parenting however, what I see is a parent who is cool, calm, collected, and most of all inspiring (without even knowing it!). And I don't know what her kids feel when they find themselves in precarious positions but when they look to their Momma, I see kids who make discoveries, find direction & security, and are learning to "shake it off" which is an invaluable coping skill for later in life!
So you may be wondering what is it, exactly, that this Mom does or doesn't do. Its really all in the attitude...here is an example:
Today we were at a new park which is (as we found out) probably best suited for children 4yrs and older. And as luck would have it, there was a children's camp also using the park made up of gradeschool aged kids. There were lots of kids running around...and my friend's daughter is 3yrs old. Are you getting the picture? I wasn't watching her child as I had my own to keep an eye on, however there were times when her daughter was in my view. In one instance, she was playing with part of the play set that an older girl was too and ended up getting knocked over (pure accident).
Lets take a moment aside: First of all...some parents would NOT have let their young child even attempt to mingle with a strange-older child. Second, some parents would have pulled her aside saying "that twisty-thing is too advanced for you" and third, when she fell on the ground some parents would have rushed over all excited, swooping her up, and asking "are you okay?" Does any of this sound like you? I've been there at various stages...though it all depends on the situation of course!
But this Mom sees value in permitting her daughter to mingle with older children (lets be clear, under her watch. This Mom "made friends" with many of the camp kids to the extent that some of the camp kids may have thought she was staff!). Older kids are great for role modeling and overall her daughter was learning to socialize and assert herself (instead of being afraid of other kids). This Mom also sees the value in exploring and testing boundaries. Her daughter was able to engage with the older child, watch the older child use the twisty-thing, and attempt to use it herself. If you never let a child TRY how will they learn what they can or cannot do? How will they learn to "get good" at something? How will they build confidence? ok, so when her daughter attempted to play with the twisty-thing, she fell. It happens! I didn't hear this Mom ask "are you ok?"...she just assessed her daughter's reaction in a split second based on her "knowing" her own child's ques (a good parent has an idea of their kids ques) and encouraged her to shake it off and keep on playing! Which is exactly what her child did! Without hesitation & happily! There was no hugging, no coddling, no uncertainty, no babying about the situation. Mom was confident and so her child followed in her footsteps and kept on playing! If Mom believes "everything is alright in the world" then, the child believes this too! It was a beautiful exchange to witness.
Such a simple, everyday occurrence for those of us who frequent parks & play areas. I encourage parents to take the time to examine step by step WHY they make the choices they do in regards to parenting. The parent who "swoops in" to save the day...what are they teaching their child in the long run? In the moment maybe you think you are showing love, care, & concern? Perhaps. However, it may be at the cost of teaching them other behaviors that may not be as desirable later on in life? Will they be looking for Mommy to heal all wounds when they are grown up? Are there other ways & times during the day you can express your love, care, & concern without sacrificing other positive life skills that will ultimately shape their being? How to you limit your child's explorations because you are projecting your own fears & anxieties about what "might" happen? Who does your child(ren) mingle with? Are they relationships that foster positive experiences or hinder socialization? At the park do you hover like a bee on honey, stand back though cautious, or ignore altogether? Maybe a little of all at different times? Every thing we do impacts our kids...scary if you think about it! And while these little ones won't remember a thing...the person they end up growing into is almost completely shaped by the nurturing & environment in these early years! What are you teaching your kids by your actions and have you already seen the impact of your parenting choices on who your children are as individuals?ts
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