Every since I became a parent nearly 5 years ago, I have been well connected with other parents (mostly Moms) through playgroups, community groups, church groups, and extended family & friends with children. And while I am not one to read much more than the variety of parenting related magazines out there, I believe mostly in parenting from the heart, from the gut instinct, and from plain old acquired good sense! Not to be mistaken for "common sense" because when it comes to parenting, there is rarely one common way of raising children.
Over the past 5 years I have come to be known as someone who many of my "Mom friends" seem to respect especially in terms of my parenting. As such I am regularly consulted with various parenting questions & dilemas regardless of whether I have personally encountered the issue at hand. For a long time I have considered starting a parenting consulting business (if you will) along the lines of the Super Nanny show on TV. Something that focuses on assisting parents- first hand- with parenting concerns, behavioral modifications, etc. There is so much information on the internet these days and other advice services that this idea has taken a backseat. In the meanwhile, I still want to reach parents or prospective parents out there to share my thoughts and actions on being a good parent.
What is a good parent? I'll discuss that sooner than later...but not tonight.
I was approached at a playgroup recently and asked if I had advice about when a child is or claims to be afraid of the dark. A good parent will assess for themselves the situation as it has presented itself. Is there a unique context in which this behavior is rearing (i.e. a recent move, change from crib to bed, death in family, etc)? Is there a change in bedtime routine? A good parent needs to ask themselves if this is attention seeking behavior or a real grounded fear of the dark? A good parent will then strategize ways to approach the situation in order to reach a comfortable & healthy outcome. What is acceptable in your household? Is it ok to have a night light? or leave the door open/closed? Do you permit the child to have toys/stuffed animals in bed or a special blanket? Is your child at an age where you can speak with them about "whats going on" in terms of what they are afraid of? Involve your child in giving them choices for dealing with their expressed fear! They need to feel empowered. What does the child suggest would be a good resolution to fear of the dark? My advice to this parent was to acknowledge the situation but minimize/normalize it so that the child senses from you that "everything will be fine." Acknowledging it shows that you are listening and validating what your child is expressing to you. This builds trust. Normalizing it simply means it is an issue that can be resolved and one which many people experience at some point in their lives. It is okay to be afraid, it is not okay for that fear to rule your life or interfere with healthy sleep patterens. The good parent will try many things like: laying in bed with the child, lights off, talking about all the things/shadows they see in the room. Then, shift the conversation to happy & familiar thoughts, kiss them goodnight and remind them you will see them in the morning. Or help the child keep a journal of their day listing out what they liked and disliked. The good parent will try many strategies based on their particular situation because the good parent wants what is best for their child, a healthy view of the world in which they live!
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