Maybe I just didn't run around with the right crowd when I was first pregnant or maybe the people I did know who were parents just blocked out all the challenges they encountered while parenting (like my own Mother!lol). Or maybe they couldn't wait to see me flounder just as they had because no one gave them a heads up either as to how difficult it is to parent well...i don't know. What I do know this tat despite the books and resources out there, parenting is still the best kept secret around!
I remember vividly the things that people told me as I prepared for my first child. I'm sure some if not all will sound familiar to those who are also parents. Phrases like "Newborns sleep all the time," "Just feed the baby every 2 hrs or when he/she is hungry," "Try to sleep when the baby sleeps." Now that it's been a few years, I can look back and chuckle because these common phrases couldn't be further from the reality I experienced as a first time parent. My newborn slept an avg of 10 hrs/day. She was referred to as a "wakeful baby" defying all typical newborn sleep patterns until she was about 7months old when something just clicked for her and she began to fit the routine of successful sleepers.
The idea of sleeping when the baby slept was throw way out of the window! Even when the baby did take regular longer naps that was my time to check in with the rest of the world. As a new Mom I felt disconnected & out of the loop in nearly every aspect of my life prior to having kids. Yeah...no one told me either how lonely it can be being a first time Mom. Not literally lonely, because I'm with the baby, but since baby can't talk back...the middle of the night and the middle of the day (if you stay home) are pretty lonely times. So when I did "get a break" I made phone calls, checked email, made appts, made dinner, cleaned the house, did laundry, ATE, went to the bathroom, and so on! I did these things when I "should have been sleeping" according to everyone else because when my baby was awake, I wanted to be fully engaged with her. And considering I have a pretty amazing first born, I'm so glad I didn't sleep my free time away! Don't get me wrong...new Moms DO NEED SLEEP! I would encourage new Moms to ask family members & Dad to do the cleaning, make the meals, laundry, & play/attend to the baby. Inviting your extended family community in to assist you is the ideal situation...If only Mom's didn't have to feel the pressure of being perfect in their role!
As for feeding the baby every 2 hrs or when he/she is hungry. Didn't you know that babies come with a timer that announces when they are hungry? Its known as a cry but it's also the same alarm for diaper change, boredom, temperature control, sickness and any other need they have. The fact is that it is difficult for new parents to distinguish the cries. It makes parents question their gut feelings, question their parenting methods, creates frustration due to inability to communicate/desire to fix what's wrong/ & anxiety society puts on parents if heaven forbid your child is fussy in public! Oh and no one told me that I might need my husband to retrain my child's arms from flailing around during breast feeding! Its really not easy teaching a baby how to eat when it doesn't come "naturally" to either Mom or newborn.
There is so much that parents do not talk about...and every parent has their own "secrets" in terms of what they don't usually share with others (i.e. parents sleeping in their kids bed in order to get the child to fall asleep, taking pictures of poopy underwear- ask me, its no longer a secret!, or how they don't discipline their kids because they just don't know how and are too overwhelmed to ask for help.)
If you are expecting your first child, expect the unexpected! I know so many children with food allergies, learning variations, chronic ear infections, inabilities to breast feed, etc. These things themselves have nothing to do with whether you are a good parent...however, a good parent will do their best to seek a variety of advice in preparation for their parenting journey!
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