There is a reason why young children are rarely put on the witness stand. Children have a unique way in which they perceive the world and if you've ever asked a child to describe what they did that day or even a few minutes ago and then you asked them that question again later, you would likely get very different stories much less accurate to what reality would reply if it could. When I was in the second grade we made a "book" that was comprised of daily questions. The students would answer the questions (via learning to write) and draw a picture to go with their response. One question was this: What will you be like when you are 40? My reply was: I will be shopping and drinking tea all day. Even at that age I had limited concept of how old 40 was/is nor what would be appropriate behaviors for someone of that age. No one in my family is big into shopping or drinking tea...where the heck did I come up with this response? It makes me laugh even now.
Today I had a dose of my own child's perspective of a particular situation. We were at a play date with other children who are very familiar with my own and it was a positive experience......until.....one child began to cry and explained to her Mommy that my daughter had hurt her in the back/side. I asked my daughter to explain what happened. My daughter said she was no where near the hurt child but ran to her once she heard her cry. When I asked my daughter "what do you think happened?" She explained that my son had done it! (Which was not true because he was the only child not in the same room as the injured child). I pointed this out, asked my daughter again if she had anything to do with hurting her friend, and she was adamant that she did not. I actually spoke with her about this on the way home from the play date again and she has never changed her story about not hurting the girl. She did offer some suggestions but finalized with "I don't know how she got hurt."
Now, while it is unlike my daughter to hurt another child (especially this one who we see so often & get along with)...it is also unlike the injured child to blame her friend for hurting her unless it was true. So, is one child more "right" than the other? There is a fine line...very young children rarely have the ability to just "make up a story" about how they got hurt and yet at some point when they ARE old enough to attempt to explain what happened, their stories are wacky due to their child perspectives. And at some point as a child grows to an older child they do learn to be more accurate, thorough, and learn the difference between right & wrong. My child has told non-truths before so I know she is entering the world between knowing right from wrong, however, she doesn't get why not telling the truth is sometimes more "wrong" than had she just fessed up. In this case though, I am left really wondering.
What can a parent do to encourage telling the truth? My suggestion is to share with the child the various perspectives in any given scenario. And that is what I did. I spoke with my daughter about what each of the children may have been doing when the injury occurred, how the injured girl felt, how important it is to apologize if you hurt someone, I even talked with her about what the Mommies may be feeling when one of their kids gets hurt or hurts someone else. Maybe by sharing a broad range of perspectives it frees a child up to understanding the whole picture/situation a little bit clearer than they might have otherwise.
The other peice is letting the child know the types of consequences associated with telling non-truths.
I'm gearing up for many more of these conversations before any of it sinks in and her "child" perspective widens to be more accurate, honest, and insync with reality. This is new territory!
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