February 14th...Valentines day. A day to cherish the ones you love. Also, 2 months since the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School in CT which resulted in the deaths of 26 individuals, 20 of which were children.
I remember very vividly my thoughts as I headed up to bed on December 13, 2012...It was peaceful, I was the last one to bed and as I turned the TV off, proceeded to clean up & make sure the house was locked tight for the night, I thought to myself "all is right in the world." And I gave thanks to God in that moment. In my little corner of the world, all was right. This is very possible the same thought some Newtown parents had before they went to bed that night too. Shortly after dropping my daughter off at school the next morning and going about my business I finally sat down for lunch & to watch the news. News that has saddened me to my core ever since. I am so sad for those that died, the families involved, the responders who witnessed the aftermath and the entire Newtown community. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not find myself thinking about them all, praying for them. Many times, several times a day. And while I wonder if that is normal for someone like me who was not directly impacted to be reacting this way...at the same time I am completely dumbfounded that my community of Moms aren't talking about it! (or at least not in the circles I've been in-obviously me included). Sure the news has talked about it (though waning) and the politicians are talking about it (as it serves their agendas)...but us Parents...why aren't we? I am certain that as individuals we are finding ways to understand how such tragedies can occur, perhaps participating in raising money for families impacted, or though on-line support communities. But Parents aren't talking with the schools about it, not with law enforcement, nor in community forums, not at all. Again, unless I'm seriously out of the loop and missed the memo's?
Let me back up a minute. I have always been someone who tries to live fully in the moment. To be fully present in all that I do...and purposeful. With my children it is no different. Combine that with my now extra heightened, sensitive, anxiety-if-you-will, that literally anything can happen to me/husband or my kids such that our worlds can be shaken to their core should one or more family members die. As if my kids didn't already have me wrapped around their fingers...they sure do now & they have no idea! So when my daughter & son announced it was "kids day" last week and wanted to bake a cake. Time for us stopped (yes, it really did) and we did just that. We celebrated kids. Secretly I celebrated the lives of the 20 kids who died, while also giving thanks for the 2 who have blessed my life beyond words. Kids day. Children are gifts to us each and every day and should be celebrated!
But now I am left with the challenging task of living to make every moment count but also experiencing the day to day regular issues that come along with parenting (having to say "no" when I want to say "yes"...raising my voice to show I'm serious when I really just want to make them laugh...putting off an activity til tomorrow but wondering if tomorrow will really be there, those kinds of things). And how do I have conversations with my kids about "what to do" if they hear gun fire (at the store, at school, at home, or the movie theatre)...do I teach them duck n cover at ages 3 & 5? These are the kinds of things I hoped parents would be talking about with each other, along with just general "healing" in terms of understanding what happens when a parent loses a child. While I hope to never experience such a loss, learning about others experiences makes me a better person and hopefully a better parent. Maybe we aren't openly talking about these things because they are so close to our hearts....and all of our hearts that are so wounded by these tragic events? Maybe we don't know where to start to have these conversations?
If anyone wants to talk...You can start here.
I have been discussing with patients of mine, on ways to make schools safer, and i keep suggesting that there be metal detecting wands being used in all schools by personnel. We had them in our high school from 1993 to the year I graduated in 1995,because they combined two area high schools to become one larger school, with 2000 students in four grades, 450 or so in my grade alone. Sure, we had fist fights, arguments and such that occured like many schools, but never any handheld weapons were ever brought in by anyone. My husband, being a high school teachers says it's too costly an endeavor but I beg the question that if parents are given the option to pay a little more tax payer money so that their children's safety, while at school, can be assured, I think parents would do all that they could in response. Also, our local schools here where we live have been sending out email blasts on things they have changed and implemented as some new procedures with regards to safety.
ReplyDeleteI don't have answers to how to reduce or solve these problems. With that said, I do have opinions on what I think will or will not work and how I believe answers to these types of situations can only be found at the root. I am not a fan of detectors. I don't want to live behind bars (so to speak) just to lively freely. The problem has more to do with access to weapons, diagnosing & having health facilities to treat/care for mentally ill/handicap, health care to cover mental illness, creating healthy families (obviously the one the shooter came from was disfunctional), preparing our kids to be active bystanders to identify & report things/people out of the ordinary, and so on and on. Schools should have good security, locked doors & systems to identify who is coming in and out. but what about other venues like malls, movie theatres and so on...this is a problem beyond schools and so the focus shouldn't be on just school safety. It is symptomatic of the direction our society is going these days and we need to buckle down to address the multitude of problems that unravelled & led to yet another horrific tragedy.
ReplyDeleteI was happy to see that just this week there was an article in our local paper about teachers having gone through training on active shooter scenarios, etc. AND there was a little blurb box "things you can do" so to speak to prepare your family for such events.
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