There are few pure, simple (and yet totally awesome), joys in life than laughing with your children. Being goofy, silly, and probably completely obnoxious from an outsiders point of view, rank high on a good parent's neccessary skill set! When in doubt, when on the verge of a break down or a tantrum, when you want to turn a sad situation into a smiley one, a good parent will often resort to doing something you normally would NEVER consider doing...like pretend burping (or other bodily noises) or singing Elmo style to the tune of jingle bells.
Being goofy has gotten me out of a jam or helped to avoid a jam many a time. Often occurring in the car and usually in attempt to keep one or both kids awake! We have two favorite goofy games that get us giggling almost immediately. There is a song on the show Peppa Pig that Peppa's classroom sing...the "Bing, bang, bong" song. In our game, my daughter attempts to teach this song to her brother and me. Our response to her efforts is that we continue to repeat the song back to her incorrectly...making up all sorts of other words that rhyme with bing, bang, and bong. Its a never ending game that includes anyone who wants to participate!
The other goofy game we play is similar to the one above. In this game, Mom tries to get the kids to say "fuzzy wuzzy was a bear, fuzzy wuzzy had no hair, fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he?" The kids are asked to repeat various parts of the phrase back to me and of course they never say it exactly how it's suppose to go, making up all sorts of other phrases that hurl us into unending laughter.
Tonight, just for kicks my daughter and I stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror (she had just brushed her teeth)....first we were trying to see who could hold their breath the longest. Then it turned into the "no talking game," and then it morphed into who could make who laugh first! I was in tears! We would both just outburst into complete laughter and everything that was said or done was hilarious in those moments! That went on in excess of 30 minutes!
It doesn't take much to laugh with your kids...you don't need an arsenal of jokes, it doesn't have to involve tickling, and it's so much more rewarding to laugh with them than at them! Parents can often get bogged down with the day to day routine...don't undermine the value to laughter in lifting up your spirits and building a strong relationship with your kids!
Monday, July 30, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Friendships
Last night I was watching John Stossels' show which was titled "What you think you know, isn't true." It was a reminder to the wake up call I had about a month ago when I learned that a close friend of mine (one of my "mommy friends": someone I had met once I had my first child) had disclosed that she participated in an alternative lifestyle. I'm not talking about homosexuality for anyone who is wondering and since "her story" isn't mine to tell, I do not plan to do so. Tonight's blog is about "You think you know someone, but you don't."
Can you imagine...learning something about a close friend that was kept private the entire time you knew them, something that is so much a part of them you would consider it literally part of their culture? Now, imagine that this part of their life is completely contradictory to how you live your life. I am still trying to wrap my head around this. I understand why she did not want to disclose this side of her...there is some social taboo involved and thus she may have been afraid to risk friendships, etc. The risk of our friendship now is more from a sense of dishonesty. I wrestle with "I'm glad she trusts me enough to share personal information," to "what else don't I know about her?" to "Had she shared this information earlier, I likely would not have chosen to maintain a friendship this long." I feel duped over the last 5 yrs. Now that its been shared...what do I do?
I think about my kids...If they came to me with the same dilemma...one of their friends turns out to be someone they aren't sure they want to be hanging around with anymore. I would ask the following questions:
1. Are there identifiable behaviors the friend is engaging in that have changed, that you don't like?
2. Are the behaviors invasive into other aspects of their life (can they be separated out?)
3. Are the behaviors illegal, hurtful, negative, go against your understanding of right from wrong?
4. Did you tell your friend how you feel? what was their reaction?
5. What do you gain from being friends with this person (do they build you up or take you down or neutral)/
It makes me think about those stories on TV about people who live double lives. It never once occurred to me that I would learn something about a close friend that would automatically put our friendship in jeopardy. I've always taken my friendships perhaps more seriously than others, keeping a few friends close and having many acquaintances. When close friends have drifted away, I feel like it hurts me perhaps more than them. I miss them. But its easier to swallow the loss of a friend due to various life circumstances like job changes, moving out of state, etc. It is also easier to explain to a child "We aren't going to go see so & so anymore because..." But its another thing to lose a close friend because you all of a sudden you learn that what you thought you knew about them, wasn't true.
You may be wondering how does all of this relate to parenting? I actually feel as though I've "failed" in terms of making sure that my children have been in the company of others who I believe are good role models. My kids look to me in terms of which adults to trust...and I, despite other "signs," I sure blew this one! Assuming the friendship with my Mommy-friend and I dissolves, so does the friendships amongst the children involved. My friendships aren't just about woman to woman...but often include that of our kids. I'll always care about this friend & her family. I'll wish them well & pray from them. At this point in my life though, I need to surround myself with healthy people who share similar personal values. People who I can answer the above 5 questions with confidence knowing my children & I will be better people for having this friend in our lives. This is what I want for my kids and the role modeling begins with me.
Can you imagine...learning something about a close friend that was kept private the entire time you knew them, something that is so much a part of them you would consider it literally part of their culture? Now, imagine that this part of their life is completely contradictory to how you live your life. I am still trying to wrap my head around this. I understand why she did not want to disclose this side of her...there is some social taboo involved and thus she may have been afraid to risk friendships, etc. The risk of our friendship now is more from a sense of dishonesty. I wrestle with "I'm glad she trusts me enough to share personal information," to "what else don't I know about her?" to "Had she shared this information earlier, I likely would not have chosen to maintain a friendship this long." I feel duped over the last 5 yrs. Now that its been shared...what do I do?
I think about my kids...If they came to me with the same dilemma...one of their friends turns out to be someone they aren't sure they want to be hanging around with anymore. I would ask the following questions:
1. Are there identifiable behaviors the friend is engaging in that have changed, that you don't like?
2. Are the behaviors invasive into other aspects of their life (can they be separated out?)
3. Are the behaviors illegal, hurtful, negative, go against your understanding of right from wrong?
4. Did you tell your friend how you feel? what was their reaction?
5. What do you gain from being friends with this person (do they build you up or take you down or neutral)/
It makes me think about those stories on TV about people who live double lives. It never once occurred to me that I would learn something about a close friend that would automatically put our friendship in jeopardy. I've always taken my friendships perhaps more seriously than others, keeping a few friends close and having many acquaintances. When close friends have drifted away, I feel like it hurts me perhaps more than them. I miss them. But its easier to swallow the loss of a friend due to various life circumstances like job changes, moving out of state, etc. It is also easier to explain to a child "We aren't going to go see so & so anymore because..." But its another thing to lose a close friend because you all of a sudden you learn that what you thought you knew about them, wasn't true.
You may be wondering how does all of this relate to parenting? I actually feel as though I've "failed" in terms of making sure that my children have been in the company of others who I believe are good role models. My kids look to me in terms of which adults to trust...and I, despite other "signs," I sure blew this one! Assuming the friendship with my Mommy-friend and I dissolves, so does the friendships amongst the children involved. My friendships aren't just about woman to woman...but often include that of our kids. I'll always care about this friend & her family. I'll wish them well & pray from them. At this point in my life though, I need to surround myself with healthy people who share similar personal values. People who I can answer the above 5 questions with confidence knowing my children & I will be better people for having this friend in our lives. This is what I want for my kids and the role modeling begins with me.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Its all in your attitude
I thought with the start of July and my husband being out of town I would have all sorts of time to blog! Ha ha ha I was so busy and tired! It was a huge reminder that "single parenting" is no ideal way of raising kids or maintaining a healthy lifestyle! I have been thinking about a few different topics to write about but tonight I am reflecting on how a parent's attitude about day to day incidents shapes children's attitudes about the same thing...and even deeper, shapes their lives for the long haul.
I was so impressed today by how a friend of mine responds to things her children do. I don't know how she feels "inside" or what her personal philosophies are on parenting however, what I see is a parent who is cool, calm, collected, and most of all inspiring (without even knowing it!). And I don't know what her kids feel when they find themselves in precarious positions but when they look to their Momma, I see kids who make discoveries, find direction & security, and are learning to "shake it off" which is an invaluable coping skill for later in life!
So you may be wondering what is it, exactly, that this Mom does or doesn't do. Its really all in the attitude...here is an example:
Today we were at a new park which is (as we found out) probably best suited for children 4yrs and older. And as luck would have it, there was a children's camp also using the park made up of gradeschool aged kids. There were lots of kids running around...and my friend's daughter is 3yrs old. Are you getting the picture? I wasn't watching her child as I had my own to keep an eye on, however there were times when her daughter was in my view. In one instance, she was playing with part of the play set that an older girl was too and ended up getting knocked over (pure accident).
Lets take a moment aside: First of all...some parents would NOT have let their young child even attempt to mingle with a strange-older child. Second, some parents would have pulled her aside saying "that twisty-thing is too advanced for you" and third, when she fell on the ground some parents would have rushed over all excited, swooping her up, and asking "are you okay?" Does any of this sound like you? I've been there at various stages...though it all depends on the situation of course!
But this Mom sees value in permitting her daughter to mingle with older children (lets be clear, under her watch. This Mom "made friends" with many of the camp kids to the extent that some of the camp kids may have thought she was staff!). Older kids are great for role modeling and overall her daughter was learning to socialize and assert herself (instead of being afraid of other kids). This Mom also sees the value in exploring and testing boundaries. Her daughter was able to engage with the older child, watch the older child use the twisty-thing, and attempt to use it herself. If you never let a child TRY how will they learn what they can or cannot do? How will they learn to "get good" at something? How will they build confidence? ok, so when her daughter attempted to play with the twisty-thing, she fell. It happens! I didn't hear this Mom ask "are you ok?"...she just assessed her daughter's reaction in a split second based on her "knowing" her own child's ques (a good parent has an idea of their kids ques) and encouraged her to shake it off and keep on playing! Which is exactly what her child did! Without hesitation & happily! There was no hugging, no coddling, no uncertainty, no babying about the situation. Mom was confident and so her child followed in her footsteps and kept on playing! If Mom believes "everything is alright in the world" then, the child believes this too! It was a beautiful exchange to witness.
Such a simple, everyday occurrence for those of us who frequent parks & play areas. I encourage parents to take the time to examine step by step WHY they make the choices they do in regards to parenting. The parent who "swoops in" to save the day...what are they teaching their child in the long run? In the moment maybe you think you are showing love, care, & concern? Perhaps. However, it may be at the cost of teaching them other behaviors that may not be as desirable later on in life? Will they be looking for Mommy to heal all wounds when they are grown up? Are there other ways & times during the day you can express your love, care, & concern without sacrificing other positive life skills that will ultimately shape their being? How to you limit your child's explorations because you are projecting your own fears & anxieties about what "might" happen? Who does your child(ren) mingle with? Are they relationships that foster positive experiences or hinder socialization? At the park do you hover like a bee on honey, stand back though cautious, or ignore altogether? Maybe a little of all at different times? Every thing we do impacts our kids...scary if you think about it! And while these little ones won't remember a thing...the person they end up growing into is almost completely shaped by the nurturing & environment in these early years! What are you teaching your kids by your actions and have you already seen the impact of your parenting choices on who your children are as individuals?ts
I was so impressed today by how a friend of mine responds to things her children do. I don't know how she feels "inside" or what her personal philosophies are on parenting however, what I see is a parent who is cool, calm, collected, and most of all inspiring (without even knowing it!). And I don't know what her kids feel when they find themselves in precarious positions but when they look to their Momma, I see kids who make discoveries, find direction & security, and are learning to "shake it off" which is an invaluable coping skill for later in life!
So you may be wondering what is it, exactly, that this Mom does or doesn't do. Its really all in the attitude...here is an example:
Today we were at a new park which is (as we found out) probably best suited for children 4yrs and older. And as luck would have it, there was a children's camp also using the park made up of gradeschool aged kids. There were lots of kids running around...and my friend's daughter is 3yrs old. Are you getting the picture? I wasn't watching her child as I had my own to keep an eye on, however there were times when her daughter was in my view. In one instance, she was playing with part of the play set that an older girl was too and ended up getting knocked over (pure accident).
Lets take a moment aside: First of all...some parents would NOT have let their young child even attempt to mingle with a strange-older child. Second, some parents would have pulled her aside saying "that twisty-thing is too advanced for you" and third, when she fell on the ground some parents would have rushed over all excited, swooping her up, and asking "are you okay?" Does any of this sound like you? I've been there at various stages...though it all depends on the situation of course!
But this Mom sees value in permitting her daughter to mingle with older children (lets be clear, under her watch. This Mom "made friends" with many of the camp kids to the extent that some of the camp kids may have thought she was staff!). Older kids are great for role modeling and overall her daughter was learning to socialize and assert herself (instead of being afraid of other kids). This Mom also sees the value in exploring and testing boundaries. Her daughter was able to engage with the older child, watch the older child use the twisty-thing, and attempt to use it herself. If you never let a child TRY how will they learn what they can or cannot do? How will they learn to "get good" at something? How will they build confidence? ok, so when her daughter attempted to play with the twisty-thing, she fell. It happens! I didn't hear this Mom ask "are you ok?"...she just assessed her daughter's reaction in a split second based on her "knowing" her own child's ques (a good parent has an idea of their kids ques) and encouraged her to shake it off and keep on playing! Which is exactly what her child did! Without hesitation & happily! There was no hugging, no coddling, no uncertainty, no babying about the situation. Mom was confident and so her child followed in her footsteps and kept on playing! If Mom believes "everything is alright in the world" then, the child believes this too! It was a beautiful exchange to witness.
Such a simple, everyday occurrence for those of us who frequent parks & play areas. I encourage parents to take the time to examine step by step WHY they make the choices they do in regards to parenting. The parent who "swoops in" to save the day...what are they teaching their child in the long run? In the moment maybe you think you are showing love, care, & concern? Perhaps. However, it may be at the cost of teaching them other behaviors that may not be as desirable later on in life? Will they be looking for Mommy to heal all wounds when they are grown up? Are there other ways & times during the day you can express your love, care, & concern without sacrificing other positive life skills that will ultimately shape their being? How to you limit your child's explorations because you are projecting your own fears & anxieties about what "might" happen? Who does your child(ren) mingle with? Are they relationships that foster positive experiences or hinder socialization? At the park do you hover like a bee on honey, stand back though cautious, or ignore altogether? Maybe a little of all at different times? Every thing we do impacts our kids...scary if you think about it! And while these little ones won't remember a thing...the person they end up growing into is almost completely shaped by the nurturing & environment in these early years! What are you teaching your kids by your actions and have you already seen the impact of your parenting choices on who your children are as individuals?ts
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