You are Better

There have recently been two powerful parenting messages I've been working with my own children lately that have dramatically changed the way I think.  In changing my thinking, naturally it follows that my relationships and behaviors are also influenced.  In this blog, I introduce you to a message that was shared with me by another Mother.  An amazing Mother, a wise Mother, a Mother who will move mountains for her Son.

She shared a story of some of her Son's experiences at school. In one instance she shared how a teacher at the school repeatedly mispronounced her Son's name (adding a letter where there is not) even after being corrected.  This Mother explained to her Son later the importance of rising above such overt actions because "He is Better."  This teacher's inability to learn how to pronounce his name shouldn't get him down, or mad, or irritated.  It shouldn't chip away at who he is...a positive, smart, kind, conscientious young man. Its the teacher's issue...not his.  He is Better.

I love this.  He is Better. He IS Better.  Note, she didn't say "He is better than..." Just He is Better. Let this message sit with you for a few minutes. It is profound.

It is a message that every parent needs to convey to their child. You are Better.

It leads to a conversation about what is expected of your child.  Children need to hear their parents praise them, believe in them, and give boundaries including expectations of behaviors.  Saying "You are Better" does not mean that someone else is less. Let me say that again.... by telling your child "you are better"  you are not taking anything away from any other child or from siblings.  They too can be "better" if they are challenged, called, and given the opportunity to be so.   Your child's self worth has nothing to do with anyone else.  This is a powerful message to understand.  Many adults do not believe this as they have lived a life in competition with others or blaming others for their circumstances.  Your child's self worth shouldn't come from whether they are the faster runner, the smartest in class, the prettiest.  While those qualities may be coveted, they all stem from being compared with others.  Your child's self worth should come from within.  From being kind, from empathizing with others, from practicing honesty, from loving themselves.

This simple statement opens the door to allowing the parent to encourage the child to be better without repercussions.  It feels taboo to tell your child to "be better" because the thinking follows "be better than so and so" which pits children and parents against each other.  My own children looked at me and asked "be better than each other?"  They couldn't comprehend what it meant to be better in terms of being a good person, in terms of trying their personal best, in terms of being at peace with life choices, etc. They immediately associated better with "better than someone else."

Parents should be encouraging their children to be a better version of themselves.  To be the BEST version of themselves.  My life is not a competition with you and yours. My child's accomplishments or failures have nothing to do with you and yours. I want to shout to the roof tops all the wonderful qualities about my children. But if I did that, people would think I'm bragging.  Because parents are so wrapped up in competition....wrapped up in defining ourselves against others.  How wrong is that? That a parent feels they can't speak positively about their children?  Once we come to understand that we should all be striving to be better (just better...not better than someone else), it frees us up to fully support each other and genuinely desire others to be better too.  I want everyone to be Better.  Be Better. Be a better version of yourself tomorrow than what you were today.