In preparation for teaching Sunday school to preschoolers, I attended a workshop through my Church titled "Protecting God's Children." The topic was child abuse- physically, sexually, verbally, etc. As a parent of 2 young children it was impossible not to think about the "what ifs" should my own children find themselves as survivors of child abuse. It was heart wrenching and blood boiling to hear how sexual abuse (in particular) impacts a child in the immediate & throughout their lifetime. Child abuse is so pervasive.
While sexual abuse is not completely preventable, it doesn't stop me from wishing every parent could attend a workshop similar to this. Just last week I was at a local park where a woman I did not know allowed me (a stranger) to pick up the child in her care on more than one occasion (I don't usually handle kids I do not know but this little guy wouldn't leave me alone). Granted, I "look" like a nice normal lady who was also watching kids at the park (and really I am!) but this lady doesn't know that! Her protective guard was completely off...almost as though she encouraged the child to come to me so I could pay him attention. It was weird!
Child abuse happens when our guards are down. It happens when we allow our children to be alone with adults (familiar or strange). It happens when we don't watch the signs from our children when behaviors change. It happens when we don't have open communication with our kids. It happens when we don't teach our kids about their bodies & appropriate touches. It happens when we don't empower our kids to say "no!" It happens when we don't research the programs our kids are involved in. It happens when we don't believe what our kids tell us.
A good parent recognizes how vulnerable their child is in our very adult world and does everything in their power to protect them. You can label me over protective, label me "type A," label me helicopter. If that label gives me peace of mind that my child is protected, bring.it.on!
Most nights at bed time, I spend a few minutes talking with each child in bed. Tonight I started on the road- which I've already been building the foundation of since birth- of keeping communication open between my oldest and me. It just so happened that today a boy in her class was "blowing air" at her (and another girl) during a movie they were watching. Both girls told the boy to stop but he did not. Eventually, my daughter just scooched forward/moved away from him. Talking about this incident opened the door to talking about unwanted behaviors in general & the kinds of action she can take in responding. At the end, I looked her straight in the eyes and told her this "I want you to know that you can tell Mommy anything. I will always believe you." There was a pause. My heart was filled with love. The tears began to well up in my eyes as the importance of what was just said sank in. And then my daughter said "Mommy, can I ask you something?" "What is it honey?" "Mommy, when are we ever going to go to a water park?" I squeezed her, told her "I love you" and left with a huge smile on my face. How do kids know just the right things to say at the right time?
Being a parent means bearing the realities of the world in which we live so that our children won't have to face them until just the right time. Being a parent means educating ourselves on how we can protect our children from harm, to teach them their options in responding to uncomfortable situations, and so on. I love that my child is still a child. I'm not ashamed to admit I want my kids to stay children forever! The serious stuff is just around the corner and while that is scary for me, I believe we took a solid step forward in our loving, supportive, nurturing, trusting relationship as Parent & Child.
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