Right about now I wish I was preparing to home school my kids...yup, you guessed it, I've got one who'll be entering Kindergarten in the fall (aka 2 wks from now). This will be my "first" so it's not unusual to have mixed & sentimental feelings about sending her off & being apart from my first born day after day for 6 1/2hrs each day for most of the next 13 yrs of her life. Totally tear jerking when I put it that way...but it's the truth.
These emotions are likely very similar to those felt by parents who work outside the home...whenever they first experienced the transition from maternity/paternity leave to going back to work, leaving their child for the first time for hours on end... but in my case and that of most stay at home parents... Its been 5 full years of being with my child 24-7 (except the occasional night out or preschool & even then it's only a few hours). Five years of giving my all to another human being, being their source of knowledge, their source of nutrition, their fun, their safety net, their...everything...and my daughter has been my everything in return.
And so I am very conscious of our inevitable separation. My heart goes out to friends whose children are also entering Kindergarten for the first time and I take comfort when I hear or read of their positive experiences. It is really an exciting mile stone for our kids...we've brought them this far, its time for them to excel on their own, learn a new sense of independence, and learn about subjects best taught by someone else.
I don't know if I should be doing something to prepare for her to start school other than encouraging her writing, reading to her, doing workbook activities together. I do plan to do a "day out with Mommy" with her too...mostly for me? Preparing her may be more about preparing me. I feel a bit like the "big baby" in all this...what I want to say is "I don't want you to go." But instead when she asked me earlier today "Mommy, I'll like Kindergarten right?" My response was nothing short of gushing about the amazing time she'll have with her friends, learning to read, etc.
I encouraged another Mom friend to stay positive and think about the extra time she can focus on her other two little ones. I am taking my own advice. I can't wait to enroll my son in activities that he has been short changed these last couple yrs when it was too difficult to juggle the age differences. I have longed for one on one time with him and it's finally upon us. However, it doesn't seem to lessen the sadness that I have in being apart from my oldest. We've been through so much...kinda like boot camp...she has taught me about myself as much as I believe I've shaped who she is becoming.
She won't remember a thing about going into Kindergarten and I suppose when she's older I'll confess how "Mommy was a mess" when she started school. I'll be all smiles though when the time comes. I'm her rock and I want her to be strong, confident, embracing of change & challenge. I will be more attentive to her after school, I'll lay with her in bed & talk about her day or the day ahead, I'll support her as she grows. She'll have continuity in knowing that Mommy is & had always been there. And just when we get used to our new routines and relationship...I'll be sending my baby boy off to Kindergarten and it will be a whole new stream of emotions! I don't even want to think about that blog! lol
This moment, whether it's kindergarten or had I homeschooled, later when they go to High School or move out to go to College...the seperation, is inevitable. So, Good luck to all you Moms n Dads out there engaging in this rite of passage of sending your kid(s) off to school... Good luck to the kids too...you'll have an amazing time with friends, learning to read, etc...
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