Prepping

You may have heard a little bit about the concept of  "prepping" over the past couple months. Whether from the recent History Channel show "Preppers" or on the news ever since Hurricane Sandy and the "end of the world" this past December. Its been a popular topic and still a bit taboo. If you're a real prepper you're not really suppose to be talking about your prepping because heaven forbid if disaster ends up happening to you, your neighbor may try to get in on your stash! Plus, if you do talk about it...people might begin to think you are a little coo-coo! But I'm talking about it! There is a greater cause to talking about it than the risk of the world knowing that yes in fact, my family and I do partake in preparing for an array of disasters. In all honestly, I think its our responsibility as parents TO PREPARE ourselves and our families for as many life scenarios as possible.  I am sure that many other responsible parents have an 8 month financial emergency fund in case someone loses their job. That doesn't sound too crazy? And I'm sure others of you make sure you have updated batteries in your flashlights, smoke detectors, or own generators, emergency radios, or have actually drilled with your family a meeting spot "in case" something happens like a home fire.  Prepping for other disasters such as tornadoes or long term electrical grid outings is not that far fetched...not these days anyways! Ok, ok, ok, there are some more extreme versions of prepping...that kind of sensation makes TV worth watching! What I'm advising is that a good parent will assess & determine what kinds of disasters are possible where they live, what is realistic? And then begin researching & preparing for your family's well-being should such an event occur.  We CAN learn from the past...we are a brilliant & resilient species...though more often than not, our mind gets the better of our instincts, and we say "It won't happen to me." 

So you may be wondering "where to start" in terms of your prepping? If you aren't wondering this then no need to continue reading! lol... One site I found helpful is the Ohio Preppers Network  ohio.preppersnetwork.net. There is a forum board where lots and lots of people have posted questions and you can read the responses. Topics from gardening to HAM radios. It is interesting to see what people are up to if nothing else! Ok, maybe it's just interesting to me! lol!  Another place to start is to think about the basics...food, water, shelter, access to information if you are cut off from it, and protection from danger.  For example, food can be handled a bunch of different ways...there is gardening (season dependent), canning, hunting, eating whatever you have non-perishable in your cupboard, MREs, or other prepared meals. Once you determine your preferred method(s) then you can make arrangements accordingly.  For water it is actually not recommended that you rely solely on bottled water. It is good if the situation is short term, however, long term you may consider investing in a water purification system and know the location of a nearby water source. And so on... The extent to which one preps is up to them & their family, however, I do think it is important to be prepared to the best of ones abilities.
Like any parent, I don't look forward to telling my kids that bad things happen or that things happen beyond our control that may or may not impact us directly. As a good parent, I know that it is important that I do what I can to keep my family safe & alive during short term, realistic crisis. My philosophy is that if something huge happens, there is little I can do to prepare...I'll either survive or not (luck of the draw). But there are many other situations that ARE possible in which survival is
IS do-able IF prepared.
As a new year dawns on us once again....take stock of your blessings and consider prepping to keep them.

Elf on the Shelf

Whether it's the day after Thanksgiving or the first day of December, parents all over who celebrate Christmas have embarked on the nightly trickery of Elf on the Shelf.  Over the past few years this family tradition has really made a comeback. Comeback? Why yes! As a child, my sister and I had Elves on the shelves (without the fancy book though...and without the creative ideas found on pinterest). My sister and I each had our own elf. One was green & one was red and we switched who got which one each year.  To my recollection, we were the only people who participated in this activity...but I don't really know because I never asked my friends.  It was just something that happen each year during the Christmas season, it was normal to us. 

And so, when I had my first child, my Mom gave me "my elf." Of all the things she kept from our childhood after all these years (and if you know my Mom, she is a minimalist who doesn't keep anything!!)...she kept the elves. She IS sentimental!! LOL. How cool it was to embark on this tradition with my own kids! When I had my second child I had to figure out how to get another elf. Lucky for me, that is when the Elf on the Shelf book gained popularity.

You may be wondering the names of our elves... Treasure and Jingle Bell.  The kids are not at that age yet where they are claiming one elf over the other as their own.  They just embraced that the elves are part of our extended family during the Christmas season and enjoy seeking them out each morning, talking to them throughout the day, and saying good night at bed time.  While I usually start this tradition on December 1st, this year another friend of mine mentioned she starts it the day after Thanksgiving. Hmmm, I thought...when are the elves suppose to arrive? I looked through the book and it doesn't state when the elf appears on the shelf. Only that it happens at holiday time (with a picture of the Elf on the dinner table...a dinner table that looks a lot like a Thanksgiving meal.) Hmmm, I thought again.   So this year the elves showed up the day after Thanksgiving. What was I thinking?? That means a whole extra week of hiding & planning & trying not to forget to move those elves around! It was so much more fun being on the "seeking" end of this activity than on the "hiding" end. But alas...this wouldn't be a post in the Good Parent if I didn't think that this activity was completely worth the parental efforts! 

If you ever wonder where the magic of Christmas has gone...look no further than a child who has an Elf on the Shelf.  My kids completely believe that these special elves are Santa's helpers, that they look after baby Jesus, that they keep an eye on the kids during the day, and that each night they report on the days events only to return to our home in some random spot/ position. So far this season the elves have been caught hugging our Santa statue, reading books, watching baby Jesus in the manger, trapped in a clear vase, on the tree, in the stockings, riding on Colin's cars and tonight I'm going to have them eating Mommy's cookies that she's been baking all day! The excitement from the kids fuels my excitement to keep the tradition going for them! I over hear the kids talking to or about the elves with pure wonder & giddiness...it is so cute!

I don't remember being crushed when I found out that the elves weren't 'real'...maybe because I had been feeling the spirit of Christmas for so many years with the help of the elves that I no longer needed them to be a reminder?  If this tradition can instill a lasting sense of wonder &  a love of the Christmas season then I'll be thrilled with that. Even more so...I'll be thrilled if they continue the tradition with their families and the opportunity to see my Grand kids squeal with delight as they discover their Elf on the Shelf for the first time!

A Parent's Burden

Every once in awhile my mind wanders to deeper parenting concerns...sometimes sparked by a news story, or a recent dream, or just reflecting on my & my children's lives.

I can hardly write about this topic without my tears welling up and a lump in my throat but the truth is, I pray to God that I do not pass away before my children have an opportunity to grow up.

My heart knows that children are very resilient. My heart also knows that the bond & love between children & their Parent is so powerful & influential to the health of their whole being. The loss of which can not be recovered.

Every time I get in the car I think about being a safe driver because "heaven forbid" an accident happens...I do my best to address health issues when they arise...and every time I am away from the kids I take precautions to be safe...I purposely do not engage in behaviors that are unhealthy or dangerous because I want to maximize the time I'll be present in my kids' lives. As if I have complete control over any of this? Don't get me wrong, being a Good Parent is NOT directly proportional to the amount of time a parent spends on Earth. With that said, if I'm not here, I can't be the Good Parent that I so desire for my kids!

Every parent-child relationship is different. I suppose if you are a Parent who is not terribly involved in your child's upbringing or day to day life then you may not feel as concerned about whether you in particular were or were not in your child's life especially while they are still young. In my situation, I have been the primary caregiver from birth...being the parent who feeds, bathes, plays with, teaches, disciplines, cuddles, and meets every need & want of the child from birth.  Literally inseparable with the exception of a date night with Daddy here & there and now the enrollment in school.

My kids lives would be majorly disrupted if I were to perish.  There is no one else they want in this stage in their lives but me. Daddy is a close second but his style, knowledge, & parenting abilities are so different than Mom's (mine) mostly because he is hard at work outside the home.  When I think about this I can't help but wonder if I am setting them up for failure. Being the main person who cares for them can actually be a detriment. Because of this, I feel overwhelmed at times...just heart broken...at the idea that my kids could lose their Mother. 

I've heard parents say that they are suppose to "go first" in terms of dying before their kids do. And while I know I can't live forever, I wish I could take on the burden of loss they will feel when my time comes. I wish I could know how their life would be...or what I can do now to help prepare them (without being depressing) for life without me. We have a Will so I feel secure in terms of their financial future and that part is comforting (actually, it was a freeing experience to complete a Will and EVERY parent should complete one ASAP). However, I worry about how to continue to communicate to them how much they are loved. I worry about who is going to share with them all of the stories that their Mom has in store for them at various stages of their lives? Who is going to show the same amount of attention, investment, enthusiasm, and sense of being fully present in their lives, like their Mom does? Who is going to hug, kiss, tickle, listen, & challenge just the right amount in the right places at the right times, like only their Mom senses as needed? I feel so connected with my kids...and I know they feel it in return. It would be unbearable to loose either of them but I'm older, I could handle it. They are young...and thus...what a burden I feel should anything happen. My spirit would not be able to rest.

And so in some respect, I will not rest until the kids are older or well on their way to being adults. As sad as it will be for those parenting ties to diminish over time...I will be relieved in terms of knowing that the ties were allowed to follow a natural progression without being terminated prematurely.

Tonight I say a special prayer for children (at any age) who have lost a parent. May God hold you in the palms of His hands, May your special Angel(s) always walk with you, and May you feel your parent's love in the world around you everyday for the rest of your life.

You think you know? You have no idea

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I think about how far or how little I've come in my understanding of how difficult it is to parent well. Every time I think I know...I find out that I have no idea.

Many friends know that my daughter has an intolerance to most dairy (which is not the same as an allergy). Her body and now taste buds have never been fond of large quantities of items with lactose in particular. At first this seemed annoying because so many initial "baby foods" were items like yogurt & cheese...and of course, all babies drink mass quantities of milk right? But the appropriate adjustments were made and life went on as usual. I remember thinking I could actually relate to other parents who's kids also had food "issues."  Ha! So. Far. From. Their. Reality!

I have had the fortune (and I mean this because both are absolutely amazingly strong women) to know two Moms who have at least one child with severe food allergies.  Even saying "food allergies" may be misleading as it can stem beyond that with actual medical diagnosis.  Early on in my parenting career, I was introduced to a broader way of thinking in terms of making accommodations around foods offered at play dates, making sure my children did not share or throw food, and I learned to use an "epi pen." I also learned how important it is that children who have to battle food allergies are made to feel included, "normal," and just be a kid!  So much of our lives revolve around food (duh, because its the fuel that makes us go!)...but parenting around food allergies is SO MUCH MORE than just providing 3 nutritious meals a day.

My advice to any parent regardless of if your child has food allergies or not...is to read some blogs of parents who's children do. One of the things that tugs at my heart is the fact that parents have to do so much "explaining" or "apologizing" to those of us parents who have the luxury to not have to think about what it is like to live day to day with food allergies. Remember, many food allergies are also life threatening. So while the child doesn't outwardly have a deadly illness...their life can be threatened in an instance...in the school cafeteria, on the playground, at a restaurant, from a friend's innocent kiss on the cheek.  I. Can. Not. Imagine.  Part of me doesn't want to imagine...which is likely the reason why I lack knowledge about all that goes into parenting a child who also has food allergies. It is not an easy road...made all that much more complicated by the very group who should be supportive (other parents).

There is a lot more for me to learn...what are some of the causes (if known) of various food allergies? Can kids outgrow allergies? Are some allergies related to each other? What are the signs of allergic reactions? What are common/uncommon ways that food allergens are transferred? What are state/govt laws regarding foods in schools? What limitations do kids with food allergies experience? What are the different kinds of medical conditions associated with food allergies? What resources are out there for parents of kids with food allergies? ...and this is just the beginning! It is almost a different world...only it's not.  As I write this list of questions (likely the tip of the ice berg)...it is clear to me that I just have no idea.

If you think parenting in general is difficult...it is.  Now, add to that parenting a child who also has food allergies...mega difficult. I don't know how you Moms do it? Please know that some of us are trying our best to support you, that you NEVER have to apologize for sharing information with us which will ultimately make us better parents & friends to you & your family, and that those of us who "have no idea" do appreciate the wealth of information based on experience that you share.

If you are one of those parents who are thinking "seriously, I'm so sick of hearing about how the rest of us need to change for a few"...then you need to get a life. If you've ever cared about another human being you would go to the moon & back for them. This is how a good parent feels about their kid(s). You will do whatever it takes to ensure they are happy, healthy, & safe.  Ask yourself why you wouldn't want this for every one's children? Kids are so precious, resilient, smart, sensitive. And they are our future. Parenting well and being a good parent-friend to others means we LEARN from other parents daily struggles & triumphs...especially those who are raising a child with food allergies. Please take time to learn something new on this topic that you didn't know before.

Sick Kids

Lets face it...sick kids suck! As a parent you hope that responding to a sick child gets easier as they get older (because they are more effective at communicating their symptoms, they are old enough to take OTC medicines, cough drops, have stronger immune systems, etc). However, parenting to sick kid while they are very young...means sucking it up for the team. Oh, you haven't experienced this yet? Ha ha ha... it's coming!  Lets start with the case of infant with a cold. In other words, infant can't breath especially when trying to sleep which means infant is not sleeping and neither are you. They make these "wedges" to help prop baby up to keep nasal fluids from draining into their lungs (causing further cold symptoms/issues) but as babies go...they often slide/wiggle down the wedge defeating the purpose. Then there are also those nose sucker thingys. You may be a lucky one who's child actually enjoys something stuck up its nose sucking the life of the boogies that collect there but others of us have to put the kid in a head lock, kicking & screaming to get those gross things out! All for the good of helping them breathe! (and by the way, they will NEVER thank you for this!)lol. In the long run, there isn't a darn thing you can do for these little ones but help them feel more comfortable. And that's just a cold...heaven forbid a fever or worse!  But lets give fevers and stomach bugs, their due.  The case of the toddler that says "Mommy, I feel sick." Which prompts the usual parent to touch their forehead and ask 20 questions of "does this hurt?" "did you eat something you shouldn't?" and so on. Of course you consider yourself lucky if time permits you to do this because in most cases by the time the toddler tells you he doesn't feel well, it's too late. Vomit or diarrhea is already on its way! That's right folks. I ain't talking about that cute spit up after a baby didn't get a good burp...I'm talking about breakfast, lunch, & dinner...on you, or in their bed, or in their pants! It is nothing short of disgusting, even when it comes from your own spawn! There isn't anything cute about a sick kid!  Well, okay, maybe when they look up at your with loving eyes or when they fall asleep from exhaustion in your arms but that is where it ends!  So I've had to deal with all this and I've been getting off easy believe it or not! This is the tip of the iceberg in terms of health issues you may have to help your child face in their life. And I haven't even gone into depth about scrubbing carpets, washing soiled undies, washing your own hand obsessively because when a kid is sick you gotta do what you can to avoid germs or spreading them yourself! These little ones don't cover their mouths or noses...and the sloppy kisses! Oh geez, it's like they are purposely trying to drag us down with them! lol.  Weathering through sick kids makes you a stronger parent.  Rarely are there other times in a child's life where they are so vulnerable, so dependent on someone to help them feel better. It is these times you can shine as a parent in terms of your response to them, your love, your caring, your understanding. Your patience will be tested...common, we all get cranky when we're sick...but it will pass. What develops after these bouts of illness is trust, a building stone to respect and a healthy parent/child relationship.  While sick kids suck, you won't be their personal Kleenex forever...and that part kinda sucks too.  A Good Parent, realizes that and gets through these tough times with a smile.

The honeymoon

Yea, a friend of mine just started a new blog called  One..two..three..plus me  all about her crazy life as a stay at home Mom with three young kids and a spouse who travels often. Welcome to the blogger world Christa!

So reading her blog reminded me that it's been a few weeks since I blogged. Things have changed in our life since my last entry...my daughter started Kindergarten 5 full days a week. I am still in shock that I have to get up at 6:30am everyday but we've all taken to our new routine flawlessly. There have been so many sweet moments between siblings and the kids with us since she started school.  For starters both kids get to see Daddy off to work! Lots of kissing going on in our house around 7:30am each day! Each night my daughter and I will cozy up on the couch and just share some alone time. Sometimes its playing whispering games, or tickling, or recapping the days events in more depth. And to watch the kids play together after seriously missing each other all day...they are in separable after 3pm without an argument to be heard. I realize it is entirely possible that this is a honeymoon stage...just a stage... until they adjust to being apart, until my son starts school, until they develop other friendships that cause them to drift from their siblings...but I hope it lasts more than a couple weeks...a couple years would be heaven!

On another side, getting to spend more one on one time with my son has permitted him to blossom even more. He wants to show me the world that he knows and I let him guide me in play (whereas his Sister would often take the reigns), he gets to choose all the books, all the games, and so on. He is loving it.  And finally, now he is going to take classes like soccer & swimming which will further build his self esteem & identity within a social group.  The next phase of our lives is falling into place.

As for me...I have a moment to blog (and it's not 11pm at night!)...and I worked out today. I even visited with a friend while our boys played. And its only 12:30! I am feeling as if my life is getting under control to where I can volunteer more for things (i.e. later today I'll be dropping off a meal to a friend in need). Life with kids just gets better!! Okay okay...clearly I'm in the honeymoon stage as well! LOL...the teenage years are still ahead! But if every transition goes this well, i'll gladly take another honeymoon! I just can't help but believe that when you do parent well you really will & do reap the benefits of parenting well. Its often not immediate, especially in those first 3 yrs where there is so much change, growth, figuring out, balancing going on your head is spinning on top of everything else life throw at you!!!! breath!!!
Good parenting pays off and for now, I'm loving it!

The inevitable: School

Right about now I wish I was preparing to home school my kids...yup, you guessed it, I've got one who'll be entering Kindergarten in the fall (aka 2 wks from now).  This will be my "first" so it's not unusual to have mixed & sentimental feelings about sending her off & being apart from my first born day after day for 6 1/2hrs each day for most of the next 13 yrs of her life. Totally tear jerking when I put it that way...but it's the truth.

These emotions are likely very similar to those felt by parents who work outside the home...whenever they first experienced the transition from maternity/paternity leave to going back to work, leaving their child for the first time for hours on end... but in my case and that of most stay at home parents... Its been 5 full years of being with my child 24-7 (except the occasional night out or preschool & even then it's only a few hours).  Five years of giving my all to another human being, being their source of knowledge, their source of nutrition, their fun, their safety net, their...everything...and my daughter has been my everything in return.

And so I am very conscious of our inevitable separation. My heart goes out to friends whose children are also entering Kindergarten for the first time and I take comfort when I hear or read of their positive experiences.  It is really an exciting mile stone for our kids...we've brought them this far, its time for them to excel on their own, learn a new sense of independence, and learn about subjects best taught by someone else.

I don't know if I should be doing something to prepare for her to start school other than encouraging her writing, reading to her, doing workbook activities together. I do plan to do a "day out with Mommy" with her too...mostly for me? Preparing her may be more about preparing me. I feel a bit like the "big baby" in all this...what I want to say is "I don't want you to go." But instead when she asked me earlier today "Mommy, I'll like Kindergarten right?" My response was nothing short of gushing about the amazing time she'll have with her friends, learning to read, etc. 

I encouraged another Mom friend to stay positive and think about the extra time she can focus on her other two little ones. I am taking my own advice.  I can't wait to enroll my son in activities that he has been short changed these last couple yrs when it was too difficult to juggle the age differences.  I have longed for one on one time with him and it's finally upon us. However, it doesn't seem to lessen the sadness that I have in being apart from my oldest. We've been through so much...kinda like boot camp...she has taught me about myself as much as I believe I've shaped who she is becoming.

She won't remember a thing about going into Kindergarten and I suppose when she's older I'll confess how "Mommy was a mess" when she started school. I'll be all smiles though when the time comes. I'm her rock and I want her to be strong, confident, embracing of change & challenge. I will be more attentive to her after school, I'll lay with her in bed & talk about her day or the day ahead, I'll support her as she grows. She'll have continuity in knowing that Mommy is & had always been there. And just when we get used to our new routines and relationship...I'll be sending my baby boy off to Kindergarten and it will be a whole new stream of emotions!  I don't even want to think about that blog! lol

This moment, whether it's kindergarten or had I homeschooled, later when they go to High School or move out to go to College...the seperation, is inevitable. So, Good luck to all you Moms n Dads out there engaging in this rite of passage of sending your kid(s) off to school... Good luck to the kids too...you'll have an amazing time with friends, learning to read, etc...