Often my thoughts about parenting are driven by what my own children do and say. On any given day the kids will ask questions or make connections based on our experiences. No day is the same as another! More often than not I am taken off guard by the topics that are brought up. My oldest is now 6. While I do not have many memories of life before 3rd grade, I can hardly believe that I ever had the same kinds of conversations with my own parents as I do with my kids.
For example: Today my daughter asked innocently enough "Will I always live in this house?" My reply was "Probably not. Daddy & I won't even be living in this house forever!" To which I got a very concerned "but I want to live with you forever!"
Talk about making your heart melt! If only life worked out that way! Selfishly I would love to have my daughter close to me- my whole life. My husband on the other hand reminds me regularly "only 12 more years!" However, as the parent, I know better! I know what my daughter does not; that some day she won't want to hold my hand, that someday she won't want me to drop her off at school, that some day we may fight, that some day she will go off to college, that someday she will not live under my roof and/or not in the same state. When I tried to share a hint of this perspective with her, her reply was "No I won't!" Again, melted heart.
Every parent/child will eventually face the above mentioned inevitabilities. My goals will be to try my darnedest to postpone them! Today while I was holding hands with my daughter I specifically took a moment and told her "I love you" as we walked to the car. I've already agreed to let her ride the bus once she & her brother are full time students. I'm secretly hoping the next 2 years will cause her to rethink the excitement of being a bus-rider! We have had our fights...mostly when she pushes Mommy's buttons. However, I believe we have both already mastered the art of apologizing AND understand that we will always love the person but we don't have to always like the behavior. As for college...the truth is she won't be able to get rid of me! I can laugh about it now but as a former Student Services administrator in Higher Ed- I know too much about college life! The good and the bad about living on campus! Lastly, as I see it, I have 12years to convince my husband of how important it is to remain close (in proximity & relationship) to our family!
I think my daughter is onto something...what is really so bad about living as a family (and extended family as my kids eventually create their own) for the rest of our lives? Why does family planning end at age 18 just because the law says that is the age of adulthood? I'm not saying roles won't need to change, living space be redesigned, and so on...but it is an interesting thought. Sometimes the answers come from our children. Some of the answers may come from past cultural practices. Some come from what we each want out of life overall.
I didn't have kids so I can kick them out of the house. It pleases me to no end to hear my own child proclaim that she never wants to leave me! We've created a warm, positive, learning environment for our children. They feel loved and they want to feel that way forever. Well, guess what? So do I! Thinking about the idea of living in close proximity to my kids forever actually relieves some of the anxieties associated with all the mile stones that lead to the kids' independence; starting school full time, going away to camp, getting their first job, having the their first love, and so on. Bonus!
While I still plan to share with my kids the "realities" that I faced when the ask various questions, I also plan to consider their point of view. I want them to learn on their own and yet I want them to have a heads up. I don't want to smash their vision with my experiences. I want to be open to changing my own vision especially if that means considering non-traditional options. None of us knows what the future holds. Today though, we can create & shape environments for them to ask questions, we can listen to our kids, talk with them, share a bit about ourselves, love each other, and be grateful if they want to spend tomorrow with you too! No better way to melt the good parent's heart!
