You think you know? You have no idea

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I think about how far or how little I've come in my understanding of how difficult it is to parent well. Every time I think I know...I find out that I have no idea.

Many friends know that my daughter has an intolerance to most dairy (which is not the same as an allergy). Her body and now taste buds have never been fond of large quantities of items with lactose in particular. At first this seemed annoying because so many initial "baby foods" were items like yogurt & cheese...and of course, all babies drink mass quantities of milk right? But the appropriate adjustments were made and life went on as usual. I remember thinking I could actually relate to other parents who's kids also had food "issues."  Ha! So. Far. From. Their. Reality!

I have had the fortune (and I mean this because both are absolutely amazingly strong women) to know two Moms who have at least one child with severe food allergies.  Even saying "food allergies" may be misleading as it can stem beyond that with actual medical diagnosis.  Early on in my parenting career, I was introduced to a broader way of thinking in terms of making accommodations around foods offered at play dates, making sure my children did not share or throw food, and I learned to use an "epi pen." I also learned how important it is that children who have to battle food allergies are made to feel included, "normal," and just be a kid!  So much of our lives revolve around food (duh, because its the fuel that makes us go!)...but parenting around food allergies is SO MUCH MORE than just providing 3 nutritious meals a day.

My advice to any parent regardless of if your child has food allergies or not...is to read some blogs of parents who's children do. One of the things that tugs at my heart is the fact that parents have to do so much "explaining" or "apologizing" to those of us parents who have the luxury to not have to think about what it is like to live day to day with food allergies. Remember, many food allergies are also life threatening. So while the child doesn't outwardly have a deadly illness...their life can be threatened in an instance...in the school cafeteria, on the playground, at a restaurant, from a friend's innocent kiss on the cheek.  I. Can. Not. Imagine.  Part of me doesn't want to imagine...which is likely the reason why I lack knowledge about all that goes into parenting a child who also has food allergies. It is not an easy road...made all that much more complicated by the very group who should be supportive (other parents).

There is a lot more for me to learn...what are some of the causes (if known) of various food allergies? Can kids outgrow allergies? Are some allergies related to each other? What are the signs of allergic reactions? What are common/uncommon ways that food allergens are transferred? What are state/govt laws regarding foods in schools? What limitations do kids with food allergies experience? What are the different kinds of medical conditions associated with food allergies? What resources are out there for parents of kids with food allergies? ...and this is just the beginning! It is almost a different world...only it's not.  As I write this list of questions (likely the tip of the ice berg)...it is clear to me that I just have no idea.

If you think parenting in general is difficult...it is.  Now, add to that parenting a child who also has food allergies...mega difficult. I don't know how you Moms do it? Please know that some of us are trying our best to support you, that you NEVER have to apologize for sharing information with us which will ultimately make us better parents & friends to you & your family, and that those of us who "have no idea" do appreciate the wealth of information based on experience that you share.

If you are one of those parents who are thinking "seriously, I'm so sick of hearing about how the rest of us need to change for a few"...then you need to get a life. If you've ever cared about another human being you would go to the moon & back for them. This is how a good parent feels about their kid(s). You will do whatever it takes to ensure they are happy, healthy, & safe.  Ask yourself why you wouldn't want this for every one's children? Kids are so precious, resilient, smart, sensitive. And they are our future. Parenting well and being a good parent-friend to others means we LEARN from other parents daily struggles & triumphs...especially those who are raising a child with food allergies. Please take time to learn something new on this topic that you didn't know before.

Sick Kids

Lets face it...sick kids suck! As a parent you hope that responding to a sick child gets easier as they get older (because they are more effective at communicating their symptoms, they are old enough to take OTC medicines, cough drops, have stronger immune systems, etc). However, parenting to sick kid while they are very young...means sucking it up for the team. Oh, you haven't experienced this yet? Ha ha ha... it's coming!  Lets start with the case of infant with a cold. In other words, infant can't breath especially when trying to sleep which means infant is not sleeping and neither are you. They make these "wedges" to help prop baby up to keep nasal fluids from draining into their lungs (causing further cold symptoms/issues) but as babies go...they often slide/wiggle down the wedge defeating the purpose. Then there are also those nose sucker thingys. You may be a lucky one who's child actually enjoys something stuck up its nose sucking the life of the boogies that collect there but others of us have to put the kid in a head lock, kicking & screaming to get those gross things out! All for the good of helping them breathe! (and by the way, they will NEVER thank you for this!)lol. In the long run, there isn't a darn thing you can do for these little ones but help them feel more comfortable. And that's just a cold...heaven forbid a fever or worse!  But lets give fevers and stomach bugs, their due.  The case of the toddler that says "Mommy, I feel sick." Which prompts the usual parent to touch their forehead and ask 20 questions of "does this hurt?" "did you eat something you shouldn't?" and so on. Of course you consider yourself lucky if time permits you to do this because in most cases by the time the toddler tells you he doesn't feel well, it's too late. Vomit or diarrhea is already on its way! That's right folks. I ain't talking about that cute spit up after a baby didn't get a good burp...I'm talking about breakfast, lunch, & dinner...on you, or in their bed, or in their pants! It is nothing short of disgusting, even when it comes from your own spawn! There isn't anything cute about a sick kid!  Well, okay, maybe when they look up at your with loving eyes or when they fall asleep from exhaustion in your arms but that is where it ends!  So I've had to deal with all this and I've been getting off easy believe it or not! This is the tip of the iceberg in terms of health issues you may have to help your child face in their life. And I haven't even gone into depth about scrubbing carpets, washing soiled undies, washing your own hand obsessively because when a kid is sick you gotta do what you can to avoid germs or spreading them yourself! These little ones don't cover their mouths or noses...and the sloppy kisses! Oh geez, it's like they are purposely trying to drag us down with them! lol.  Weathering through sick kids makes you a stronger parent.  Rarely are there other times in a child's life where they are so vulnerable, so dependent on someone to help them feel better. It is these times you can shine as a parent in terms of your response to them, your love, your caring, your understanding. Your patience will be tested...common, we all get cranky when we're sick...but it will pass. What develops after these bouts of illness is trust, a building stone to respect and a healthy parent/child relationship.  While sick kids suck, you won't be their personal Kleenex forever...and that part kinda sucks too.  A Good Parent, realizes that and gets through these tough times with a smile.